Submission Goes Mainstream

I read this lovely article in The Elephant Journal about a submissive woman who’s talking publicly about her lifestyle.  You can and should read the whole article here.  But this part in particular was nice to read.

She is a submissive. Her life, day in and day out, is lived with the mindset of being in service to her Sir, who happens to be her long-time partner and a man for whom she has the utmost in love and respect.

A mother, wife, yoga lover, CPA by profession, living an upper middle class lifestyle; this beautiful, intelligent, woman’s days are full of the usual joys and concerns that we all can relate to, but with the added intention to follow her Master’s will.

I was intrigued and thrilled to meet someone who has so fully explored her soul’s needs and has made adjustments to live accordingly.

Authenticity like this is rarer than you’d think.

It is easier to bow to the demands of society and other people’s opinions than to live according to what truly moves us.

It has been my honor to interview a woman who has taught me much about releasing expectations of oneself that do not match our soul’s purpose.

She has courage and wisdom to spare and wishes to open a door for other women to face their deepest held needs.

While this is not a subject that all will agree upon, it is our prerogative as women to live our lives as freely and of our own choice as possible. And as another friend said to me recently, if that means chained to our kitchen sink because that is what we desire, then so be it.

The article is based on a interview with the submissive woman, so part of it is direct quotes and part of it is the author’s reflections.  I like the way the author honors the choice, and the insight the submissive woman offers.  But then this part gives me lots to ponder.  She says:

“However, I never thought of living this way 24/7 until last fall when my Husband, now Dom, and I discussed trying this lifestyle as a way to help me deal with chronic anxiety.

I tend to over-think everything. I can get stuck in a worst-case scenario or processing loop over most any decision. So, simplifying my life by devoting myself to Him, as His submissive, allows to me make all decisions based on what pleases Him. Anxiety solved and I’ve never felt happier or more fulfilled. Again, this only works because I judge Him as wise, just, fair and trustworthy.”

Suddenly, there are


red flags all over the place.

Ok, not that extreme.  And i quickly remind myself that it’s not any of my business, not my call to make, not my place to judge.

On the other hand, she’s telling her story in a public venue – i get to have an opinion too.  And of course I do – have an opinion.

I think that BDSM has a healing component.  I think it can be helpful for people who experience anxiety or depression or who have PTSD.  I don’t think it’s healthy, or a good use of BDSM, for it to be THE solution to anxiety.

But it’s open for discussion.  What do you think?


Here Comes the New Year…

Arbitrary of course.  January 1st is not really new and 2017 slides seamlessly into 2018 for real.  But the “new year” is a reasonable way to mark time, so I’ll go with it.  (I’m sure that’s a great relief to the universe, right?)

My tooth is fixed – yay and double yay!!  The dentist was able to patch it up, thank goodness, so it didn’t cost a whole fortune.  So that’s good.

But this is going to be the year of self-care.  Dental work that’s been postponed, doctor stuff.  I’m going to be 62 this year – yikes.  How did I get so damn old?  And what will that mean for me in the greater scheme of the universe.

I am not the same person i was when I started this kinky journey at a different blog in May of 2010.   Which is as it should be, I suppose.  I’m that much older and things have changed.  But I feel like being in my 60’s is very different from my 40s and 50s, not necessarily in ways that i appreciate right now.

I guess i need to come to terms with that before i hit 70.  It seems like there’s a shift that needs to happen, and i don’t know how to do it.

In Ericksonian terms, there are two stages of development that seems relevant to me. They are Generativity vs Stagnation and Ego Integrity vs Despair.

7. Generativity vs. Stagnation

During middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs), we establish our careers, settle down within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture.

We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations.

By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.

As I head to the end of this stage, I find myself wondering how long I need to keep trying to make the world a better place.  Have I achieved the goals i set out for myself?  Am i done?  And if i’m done, then what do i do with myself?  Moving into the final stage…

8. Ego Integrity vs. Despair

As we grow older (65+ yrs) and become senior citizens, we tend to slow down our productivity and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and can develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life.

Erik Erikson believed if we see our lives as unproductive, feel guilt about our past, or feel that we did not accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to depression and hopelessness.

Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of wisdom. Wisdom enables a person to look back on their life with a sense of closure and completeness, and also accept death without fear.

What constitutes a successful life?  I haven’t been “unproductive,” i know that.  But have i done what i needed to do?  And what do i do now?

i guess the next few years are time to figure this out, right?

Anyhow, that’s what is on my mind today, the last day of 2017.  I intend to write more here in 2018, even if it’s not necessarily kinky.  Stay tuned…

And a Sickly Christmas

Really, if i were you, i would not even read this.  There is nothing kinky here, nothing particularly interesting.  So keep your expectations low.  Real low.

My grandson was sick a couple of days ago -throwing up sick, throwing up big-time sick.  Last night, my daughter got sick and went to bed early (for her.)

This morning, my granddaughter is sick, and tells me she threw up in the middle of the night.  (Thankfully, my poor sick daughter apparently handled that.)

I’ve had a cold for a week, which is slowly getting better, but this morning my head aches a bit.  At least I’m not feeling the urge to throw up.  Knock on wood.

But on the brighter side, none of us are seriously chronically ill, and no one is fatally ill, or even go-to-the-hospital ill.  In fact, not even a doctor run for anyone.  Knock on wood. So it’s all good.

My tooth has stayed glued in place – knock on wood – is not hurting – and I’m enjoying a lovely array of liquid nutrients.

The stockings are hung (albeit not stuffed) and the presents are bought (not wrapped.)  I this is probably about as good as it gets.



Holiday of Humility

Not the kinky kind.

You know this is my secret diary, right?  So i share the things here that i won’t talk about other places.  So here’s this one.

I have an old crown on one of my front teeth.  It had come off about 3 times when i lived Where-i-Used-to-Live and my dentist had put it back on for cheap all 3 times. Well, the other day it came off again.

So i had to find a new dentist, real quick.  Which I did.  And he was really nice and he cemented the crown back in and he charged me $280.00.

So, fine, this is why God made credit cards, right?  At least I had a tooth for Christmas.

Until last night.  Last night, I bit down on a piece of food, but I hit the fork instead, hit it hard and kind of funny, and I knew this was going to be bad.  Nothing happened for a minute, and I thought maybe it would be ok.  But no.

The crown came off – again – and this time it broke off part of the post that it was cemented on to.

Fuck me running.

It’s Saturday.  Tomorrow is, predictably Sunday.  Then Christmas.

Fuck me running.  Three days before the dentist office will be open again.

I found an emergency dentist who’s open today.  It will cost $180.00 just to see him.  JUST for the office visit.  Not counting anything else.   AND i’m not even sure there is a short-term fix now that the post is broken.

i’ve glued the crown in myself, with that over-the-counter stuff they have.  If i eat food that you have to chew, the crown will probably come off again and will be more difficult to put back in.

I do not want to spend $180, probably for nothing.   I just don’t think I’m going to do it.  I think I’m just going to stick with food that doesn’t actually need to be chewed until Tuesday.

There are worse things.  This is a clear reminder that the world does not have to go the way I want it to, and it’s ok.



Where does all that feeling even come from?  All that serving and pleasing stuff. I’m mad at myself for even feeling that way – I didn’t even quite know all that was there {still there} until i wrote it.  Fuck.

My energy does not need to be spent on cock worship and fucking.  OG is not going to be my Dom, or my lover, He’s a nice man who offered to spank my ass because i need that.  That’s what i need to be saying to myself four times.  Slowly.  With feeling.

On the other hand, {sigh} there’s no point in berating myself for having the feelings i have.  They are just there.  And this is the best place to let them be.