FFF- 3-9-18

Well, here we go.  Still eating well.    Yes!

Still not meeting my movement goals.

Might have lost a pound.  At least, it looks like I’ve lost about 3 1/2 all together.

Haven’t sorted anything – in fact, I am less organized than ever.  😦

So it occurs to me that my goals are strictly aspirational and maybe not goals at all.  What’s the difference you say?  From this blog I found this definition:

GOAL:  The object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

ASPIRATION:  A hope or ambition of achieving something.

He goes on to say:

Breaking it down further we see the differences really start to emerge.  Goals are objective, measurable, a tangible target to shoot for.  Aspiration is similar in that it describes a desired future state.  However, that is where the similarity ends with the tests of an aspiration being typically subjective, unmeasurable, and intangible.

Goals are closely linked to the HOW

      • unemotional
      • scientific
      • fact based

Aspirations are closely tied to the WHY

      • emotional
      • whimsical
      • feelings based.

Recently, in my work life, I’ve heard people talk about aspirational goals, and kind of thought that was what they meant, but it’s nice to see it spelled out.    So I aspire to be a healthy, slim, flexible person with a neat and organized house.

Ok, so I created some goals that will theoretically get me there.  Our non-kinky blogger says:


Yes. So I guess i do have some goals to support my aspiration.   And don’t think this means I’m giving up – I’m really not. I’m just acknowledging that right now my goals are more aspirational than not.  I’ll get there.  My last doctor’s appointment (yesterday) went well and “my numbers” look good, so that’s still my accomplishment for this week – and good enough.


Most of my life, i aspired to live near the ocean – and look!  Here i am!  Once i really decided to do it, i just kept moving in this direction until i got here.  i think it will be the same with these goals.  We’ll see.

And stay tuned – tomorrow, i’ll be back to answering questions.




Sunday Check-in; 8-14-16

You will not be surprised to learn that i desire this state:

“A balanced inner calmness radiates from a peaceful centre. It neither craves others’ approval nor rejects others’ presence. It neither pulls towards nor pushes away. It has a reverent attitude towards life and all its inhabitants.”

Donna Goddard, The Love of Devotion

Nor shocked to be assured that i haven’t achieved it.  But i’m closer to it than i was five years ago.  Or ten.

 i’m coming down from a fairly brutal work week – not the whole week, but the last part of it was rough, and i’m still evaluating how it went.  Catching myself judging myself, and sometimes others, harshly, feeling angry toward people who didn’t do things the way that would have most helpful to me.  Taking these words to heart:

“Remember, everyone you meet is really trying to do the best they can. No one woke up today and intentionally decided to be mean, difficult, or unreasonable – including you.”

~~ John Bruna

My work schedule is going to get lighter in the next few months, and i’m looking forward to that.  Trying to lay the groundwork for using some of that time to attend to self-care.


(Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.)

Woke up too early today – like 3:30 this morning – and couldn’t go back to sleep.  Went ahead and got up about 4:00, but now i’m ready to go back to bed.  So i guess i’ll do that now…


Check-in (8-7) and more on friends

i was reading this article this morning about friendship – the first paragraph pulled me into it, where they say:

“THINK of all the people with whom you interact during the course of a day, week, month and year. The many souls with whom you might exchange a greeting or give a warm embrace; engage in chitchat or have a deeper conversation. All those who, by some accident of fate, inhabit your world. And then ask yourself who among them are your friends — your true friends. Recent research indicates that only about half of perceived friendships are mutual. That is, someone you think is your friend might not be so keen on you. Or, vice versa, as when someone you feel you hardly know claims you as a bestie.”

I know that’s true – within the last couple of years, i’ve been reminded of it in some fairly unpleasant ways.  But this post isn’t about that – you know, i’m 60 years old, it is ok to be reminded that not everyone who acts like your friend is going to hang on when it gets tough.  And that’s ok.  The article resonated with me when it said:

“…friends are people you take the time to understand and allow to understand you.”

And i thought about how, in the blogosphere, we take the time to put ourselves there – how the process of becoming friends is enhanced by the degrees of intimacy we share.  At the same time, we are only putting out what we want to be seen, so from that perspective, it’s a bit like Facebook.   i like to think that i’m honest and transparent – that’s my intent – but of course, i’m not objective about myself.

And this part made me stop and think about all the people i treasure.

So it’s worth identifying who among the many people you encounter in your life are truly friends. Who makes time for you? Whose company enlivens, enriches and maybe even humbles you? Whom would you miss? Who would miss you?

And it occurs to me that maybe what matters is how it feels when i think about the people i have affection for – regardless of whether or not they meet some criteria for “friendship.”  Maybe what matters is that it make me feel good when i think about them.

Anyhow.  Just musing more on friends, and feeling grateful for the people in my life.


In terms of check-in… um, i haven’t even weighed myself in a long time.  Exercise schedule is hit-n-miss, but better than it was.  And i’m being more active in general more of the time.  And, in general, feeling pretty good about life.

Enough of that.  i want to pass on a question that Subprincess asked.  She said:

“I know a relationship D/s or otherwise is really whatever the 2 or more people decide; however, how common is it for a Dom to have many submissives? I am curious and seeking any input.”

My reply:

That’s an interesting question. i think it depends on what you mean by “have.” And what you mean by “common.” Lol – but seriously, i mean, what Dom would have time to really dominate many submissives? Unless it was some kind of poly household, but then that’s a different thing. i don’t know.

So i’m throwing the question out here – what do youall say?

Sunday Check-in 7-17

“To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.”

     – Thomas Merton

Not much time today – i think i’ve been checking in the last couple of days anyhow.  Nothing much new to say here.  Here’s another thought for the day:

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”

     – Thomas Merton

Sunday Check-In July 9

Here i am – in  a hurry – lots of stuff to do today.

It’s been a tough week in some ways, and a terrific week in others.

i’m not losing weight or gaining weight, not exercising consistently, not on the right track with a mindfulness practice.  But i don’t seem to be beating myself up as much as i could.   i do a lot of things pretty well, so f**k it.  (And don’t ask me why i used asterisks on the f-word.  It’s not like i’m against saying it, so i have no idea.)

Here’s an interesting question from  A Kind Dom:  (He starts out quoting from a comment that was left for him.)

I am not convinced that living this life, this 24/7 D/s ‘lifestyle’, is possible at all. It’s all fantasy, and keeping that in mind is key. If indeed it’s all about compromise and negotiation, then it’s all smoke and mirrors and so be it. Yay for smoke and mirrors. We come together for mutual satisfaction – whether sexual or otherwise – but maintaining personhood is crucial. If marriage lasts forever, when does the ‘playing’ end due to age, infirmity, children, etc ?

There are many who claim to live the lifestyle 24/7. However as anonymous writes. Is this not just smoke and mirrors? Isn’t it really fantasy however much one is really involved in an intense D/s relationship. For instance one may like to describe oneself as being a slave or being owned. But ultimately one can walk away from it all – otherwise I would be very concerned.

Anonymous contends that maintaining “personhood” is essential. Is she not right in this? Can one really completely give up ones personality or rights as a person? Is that something anyone with a moral compass could agree with?

i’m curious – are there readers here who identify as slaves? If you do, what do you think about the question?

Sunday Check-in 7-3

Just a quick note.  We’re out of town, visiting MP’s daughter and grandkids.  i was a little overwhelmed yesterday – i felt like i’d been around people way too much and i was just on overload.  i was a bit cranky, and snappy, which i don’t like.

By the end of the day, i just wanted to get out of my skin.  Or tell everyone to go away, which is not really practical when you’re in someone else’s house.   i got a little bit of down time after we got back to our hotel while he went to the store, but i really could use more.

i’m walking more and eating less, so that’s good.  i’m not actually losing weight, but whatever.

i’m really kind of proud of myself for initiating that conversation with MP.  It didn’t solve anything, and it feels like my body and spirit are pining for a spanking and that sense of slipping into submission, but i’m glad i raised the issue again.

i’ve got another post written of “i imagine” but it needs to be edited, and with grandkids and all that, i don’t know when i’ll get to it.  But soon.

If you’ve got a long weekend for the 4th of July, enjoy!!




Sunday Check-in 6-26

i don’t know if it’s the licorice root stick, or just a slightly different way of thinking about food, but i haven’t been eating compulsively this last week.  My scouting forays into the kitchen to see what we’ve got good to eat have practically stopped.  i eat my meals, and that’s enough.  Weird, isn’t it?

On the other hand, i’ve been reading – and writing – erotica like crazy.  And masturbating.  Often.  Well, often for me – maybe once a day, or once every other day.   Compared to going a month or even several months without.  So maybe my food compulsion has been replaced by a porn compulsion.  At least i’m not gaining weight from it, and i’m certainly more relaxed because of it!

i’ve been walking just about every day –  um, walking as in leaving the house and walking through the neighborhood at a fairly brisk pace.  Not just walking from the computer to the kitchen or bathroom.

AND i’ve even done some meditation.

Next in the what’s-new-this-week list, i had a brief flirtation with some guy on fetlife.  Yep.  Someone who lives in the same city.  He was about my age, single, and really nice – maybe even sweet. i was super honest about my situation, and he was understanding.   It was all pretty low key, and kinda fun.

i ended it when he started talking about having dinner or an ice cream together and getting to know each other better.  i panicked just a little bit – i don’t want to sneak around, and i don’t want to tell MP that i’m having dinner with someone else.  Plus, our kinks were not completely compatible.

That made me realize that my own fetish really is spanking.  He would have incorporated spanking into the list of things for us to do because he is the kind of Dom who believes the pleasure needs to be mutual, but spanking is not his thing.   i need someone who shares my love of spanking, only from the other side of the belt.

This story – and the little intro i’m sharing here – really describe what i’m looking for.

Perfection and Punishment

Many high achieving, “Type-A” people find it difficult to accept that they are human. That perfection will always be out of reach. Giving up power, even for a little while, puts life back in balance for some. This is a story about Jessica, who is just such a person. In this story Jessica goes to Sir’s house on Saturday afternoon. After tea he gives her a long, hard spanking.

Monday, i’ll be back with more of “i imagine.”