Ideas

I have a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head – if I knew how to do it, I’d put them here in bubbles, like a cartoon, or circles.  But I don’t know how to do that here, so you’ll have to imagine it.  Here are my thoughts, in no particular order.

I Believe:

  • Spanking – getting spanked – clears my mind and helps me focus.
  • BDSM has, or can have, a spiritual component.
  • I carry a lot of guilt for things that aren’t my responsibility.
  • Perfectionism has been a lifelong struggle for me, and has sometimes kept me from trying to do new things.
  • It’s very unlikely that I will get to have a BDSM relationship with someone who is also my partner.
  • My experience with the BDSM community in real life has helped shaped my beliefs.
  • I’m an INFP – changing the world is my goal.
  • BDSM is about way more than sex.
  • I’m not a very disciplined person – I’m a wanderer.
  • Being a wanderer is not all bad, but it’s not all good either.
  • I’m drawn to the idea of punishment – just as a general principal.
  • Focusing on pleasing a Dom is really good for me.
  • My submissiveness extends beyond a relationship with one person.
  • I might be more effective in the things I do – job, vocation, and relationships – if I were less driven by the need to please.
  • It would be helpful to have guidance in handling my desire to serve. 
  • Having a relationship with a Dom helps me focus my desire to please and allows me to build my desire to serve. 
  • Whatever I do has to be consistent with my values, which may not be traditional ones.
  • Spanking, obedience, and discipline are sexually arousing for me.
  • BDSM help me be more embodied, more connected to my physical self.

So there’s a nice mix of ideas.  Or maybe an odd mix.  I believe lots of things, but these are ones that seem important to my kinky life.  These are the things I’m trying to sort through to decide what I need to do next.

 

 

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Submission Goes Mainstream

I read this lovely article in The Elephant Journal about a submissive woman who’s talking publicly about her lifestyle.  You can and should read the whole article here.  But this part in particular was nice to read.

She is a submissive. Her life, day in and day out, is lived with the mindset of being in service to her Sir, who happens to be her long-time partner and a man for whom she has the utmost in love and respect.

A mother, wife, yoga lover, CPA by profession, living an upper middle class lifestyle; this beautiful, intelligent, woman’s days are full of the usual joys and concerns that we all can relate to, but with the added intention to follow her Master’s will.

I was intrigued and thrilled to meet someone who has so fully explored her soul’s needs and has made adjustments to live accordingly.

Authenticity like this is rarer than you’d think.

It is easier to bow to the demands of society and other people’s opinions than to live according to what truly moves us.

It has been my honor to interview a woman who has taught me much about releasing expectations of oneself that do not match our soul’s purpose.

She has courage and wisdom to spare and wishes to open a door for other women to face their deepest held needs.

While this is not a subject that all will agree upon, it is our prerogative as women to live our lives as freely and of our own choice as possible. And as another friend said to me recently, if that means chained to our kitchen sink because that is what we desire, then so be it.

The article is based on a interview with the submissive woman, so part of it is direct quotes and part of it is the author’s reflections.  I like the way the author honors the choice, and the insight the submissive woman offers.  But then this part gives me lots to ponder.  She says:

“However, I never thought of living this way 24/7 until last fall when my Husband, now Dom, and I discussed trying this lifestyle as a way to help me deal with chronic anxiety.

I tend to over-think everything. I can get stuck in a worst-case scenario or processing loop over most any decision. So, simplifying my life by devoting myself to Him, as His submissive, allows to me make all decisions based on what pleases Him. Anxiety solved and I’ve never felt happier or more fulfilled. Again, this only works because I judge Him as wise, just, fair and trustworthy.”

Suddenly, there are

 

red flags all over the place.

Ok, not that extreme.  And i quickly remind myself that it’s not any of my business, not my call to make, not my place to judge.

On the other hand, she’s telling her story in a public venue – i get to have an opinion too.  And of course I do – have an opinion.

I think that BDSM has a healing component.  I think it can be helpful for people who experience anxiety or depression or who have PTSD.  I don’t think it’s healthy, or a good use of BDSM, for it to be THE solution to anxiety.

But it’s open for discussion.  What do you think?

 

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/warning-photos-contain-nudity-sexuality-my-life-as-a-submissive/