Moving Forward

Some of my vanilla life is falling into place, or at least sweeping me up into the process.  Work is good, and I’m working on some other things that will be satisfying and interesting.

I have a friend coming to visit from Where-I-Used-to-Live in about six weeks, and the prospect of a visit in the spring from another old friend from the cyber world, so that’s exciting.  I made some real progress getting my house (apartment) back into shape, and we’re looking for a house to buy.

Sadly, i’m not talking to any of the people from fet anymore.  The Dom who was going to spank me and I have just kind of died down – we don’t seem to actually have anything to say to each other and because of work travel and other commitments, I’m not going to have a chance to get away until February.  But our email messages were pretty much about the weather for a while now.  Sigh.  I may reach out to him again in February.

The other person I’d been chatting with and I have had a disagreement and he told me he was through talking to me.  Um, that was fine.  It would periodically become clear that he still thought we were going to “get together” at some point, that I was playing  a “cat and mouse game” with him, (yes, he said that), which, you know, I was totally NOT.

Then he started talking about how much I should trust him, which amused me – this is someone I’ve never met and don’t even have a social media connection with, someone who doesn’t even have friends on fetlife that I can look at, someone I know completely from email.    Shrug.  Nope, I don’t trust him at an 8 on a scale of 1-10.  So I pointed this out and told him I trusted him about a 3.

He told me I just take things too seriously and I don’t understand him.  Lol.  It was actually kind of interesting to watch it unfold.  I’m just really grateful that I wasn’t counting on him to be my relationship.


It’s Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. day today, a chilly day here in the the Sunny South.  I’m off work and still working on the house.  Here’s one of his quotes to take with you today:

“Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.


Powerful Words

“For the rest of history, for most of us, our bright promise will always fall short of being actualised; it will never earn us bountiful sums of money or beget exemplary objects or organisations….

Most of us stand poised at the edge of brilliance, haunted by the knowledge of our proximity, yet still demonstrably on the wrong side of the line, our dealings with reality undermined by a range of minor yet critical psychological flaws (a little too much optimism, an unprocessed rebelliousness, a fatal impatience or sentimentality). We are like an exquisite high-speed aircraft which for lack of a tiny part is left stranded beside the runway, rendered slower than a tractor or a bicycle.”
― Alain de Botton, The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work

I’m doing some work on Conscious Aging, and when I ran across these words they slammed me like the voice of truth.  Interesting.

The next question, of course, is “So what?”  What does that mean for me and my life?  Or you and yours?

Tonight 1-8

I traveled today.  I’m in a different state, 1,000 miles from home.  I got a lot of work done while I was traveling, had dinner with some co-workers here where we talked about work stuff and then personal lives.   The food was lovely, and we laughed and shared some good moments.

I got back to my hotel just a few minutes late for the class I’m taking.  Joined the class (on-line) and listened to some interesting material, participated in some discussion.  Nibbled on some dark chocolate with acai & blueberry flavors.  Had a cup of tea – Egyptian licorice.

After class, I took a hot bath and sipped a glass of red wine, lit the scented candle that jade gave me.  Put on my favorite nightgown – burgundy, some kind of soft material, like a slip, with a bit of lace.  Added my favorite silky robe.  About ready to have one more cup of tea before I brush my teeth and go to bed.

In this moment, it feels like I am so fortunate to have this life that I can’t imagine complaining about anything.


Guess Whose Birthday It Is!

Yes!!  It’s Elvis’ birthday!!



And here’s me today:Hard working

Well, kind of anyhow.

I’m still celebrating the King’s birthday, but I”m not wearing a sliver lame cape in honor of it – thanks for that suggestion though, David, the image is lingering with me…  But look at that Pretty Boy face.


For some reason, Elvis always makes me think of Muhammad Ali.  I’m not sure why exactly except they were both larger than life, both were drafted in the army, and in some ways their fame was even bigger than they were.   The King.  The Greatest.  They were both pretty and that was part of their schtick.  They both changed the world with their gifts, and both had some difficult lives.

Muhammad Ali poses with gloves in this undated portrait.


They had so many things in common, but were so different in other ways.  Their responses to being drafted, for example.   They were both heroes of their era and their lives ended in radically different ways.

If I had more time, it would be fun to think more about the similarities and the differences.  But —-


Gotta go.  Back later…

PS OMG yall, I used Who’s instead of Whose in the title.  Take that as an indication of how crazed I am.  {Slinks off quietly…}

Ok and many other errors, thank you, David.  All fixed now.  Feel free to continue letting me know what I need to edit.  Although.  I am trying to be a recovering perfectionist, not a grammar/spelling perfectionist.


I have a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head – if I knew how to do it, I’d put them here in bubbles, like a cartoon, or circles.  But I don’t know how to do that here, so you’ll have to imagine it.  Here are my thoughts, in no particular order.

I Believe:

  • Spanking – getting spanked – clears my mind and helps me focus.
  • BDSM has, or can have, a spiritual component.
  • I carry a lot of guilt for things that aren’t my responsibility.
  • Perfectionism has been a lifelong struggle for me, and has sometimes kept me from trying to do new things.
  • It’s very unlikely that I will get to have a BDSM relationship with someone who is also my partner.
  • My experience with the BDSM community in real life has helped shaped my beliefs.
  • I’m an INFP – changing the world is my goal.
  • BDSM is about way more than sex.
  • I’m not a very disciplined person – I’m a wanderer.
  • Being a wanderer is not all bad, but it’s not all good either.
  • I’m drawn to the idea of punishment – just as a general principal.
  • Focusing on pleasing a Dom is really good for me.
  • My submissiveness extends beyond a relationship with one person.
  • I might be more effective in the things I do – job, vocation, and relationships – if I were less driven by the need to please.
  • It would be helpful to have guidance in handling my desire to serve. 
  • Having a relationship with a Dom helps me focus my desire to please and allows me to build my desire to serve. 
  • Whatever I do has to be consistent with my values, which may not be traditional ones.
  • Spanking, obedience, and discipline are sexually arousing for me.
  • BDSM help me be more embodied, more connected to my physical self.

So there’s a nice mix of ideas.  Or maybe an odd mix.  I believe lots of things, but these are ones that seem important to my kinky life.  These are the things I’m trying to sort through to decide what I need to do next.



What About a BDSM-Based Life Coach?

I’m imagining someone – a Dom – who’s willing to help people – um, submissive people – meet whatever life goals they have.  Only instead of coaching, they use a paddle.  And other disciplinary techniques.

I have a job coach now, well, a “leadership” coach.  I’m sure it will be interesting and probably helpful.  But think how much fun it would be if it were combined with BDSM.

He’d have to accept you as a student first.  It wouldn’t be about the relationship with him except for him (or her) being a mentor.  And the Master.

Having orgasms would be a reward for meeting goals.  It wouldn’t be about pleasuring him as a goal, it would be your own life-enhancing goals, supported by his discipline.  So instead of sex with him as a common-place, that might become a big reward as you grew to respect and honor him.

Hmmmmmm {Walks away thinking…}

TMI Tuesday, January 4

But first – thank you to those of you who commented on yesterday’s post.  I deeply appreciate the insight and wisdom of the people I know here.  Your willingness to look into yourself and share your perspective means a lot to me.  

Now for TMI Tuesday.  (I know it’s Wednesday -so what?)  Borrowing this from A Slave to Master… who got it from the TMI blog.

1. Did you make any resolutions at the start of 2017? If yes, how did you do at keeping them? What one thing are you still doing?

No, I didn’t make any resolutions in 2017, and don’t think I have for years.  I went back and looked at my blog posts in December of 2016 and January 2017, and there was nothing about resolutions.  Maybe that’s what is missing in my life?  Maybe it would be helpful to do resolutions again?  

Hahahaha, no I don’t think that would do it.  Never mind.

2. Pick three words to describe your year 2017.

Interesting, challenging, rewarding

3. What was your biggest personal change in 2017?

Personal change like “how did i change as a person?”  I don’t know.  I think that moving away from the place I’ve lived almost all my life has made some shifts in my priorities and in how I see myself.   I think I still don’t know what changes will roll out from that move.

4. What was totally unexpected in your 2017?

My daughter and grandkids extending their visit from a few weeks to six months.

5. What was the best thing that happened to you in 2017?

Hard to say – you know the old saying, “It’s hard to tell your bad days from your good days til all your days come in.”  I really believe that.  But for sure, having more time to spend with my grandkids has been a huge gift.  I think that moving here is going to be a cause for gratitude.  Meeting jade and Sir Raven and monkey was amazing.  Going to California, and taking the workshop I did, was a wonderful experience.  Things changing at my work has been a huge benefit.  

Bonus: Did you make new year resolutions for 2018? Share a few with us? Any of them repeats from 2017?

Nope, no resolutions.  I have some goals.  I want to lose back the six more of the 8 pounds i’ve gained since we moved here, and lose another 10 pounds.  And, ok, another 10 or 20 after that.  But 16 is a good place to start.

I want to publish an e-book – either some BDSM porn or some of my writing about BDSM. 

I want to start using my Dragontree Planner.

I’ve had it for a while – fortunately, I got the undated version – I just need to start using it.  

I got a meditation cushion for Xmas, maybe that will help me get started meditating more or doing yoga or this other healing movement thing that i’ve wanted to do

I want to buy a house..

And I want to go to BDSM events.

That’s a pretty ambitious list of goals, isn’t it?  It’ll be interesting to see if I hit any of them.